Henderson Yan - OTR Team

(Oops, a bit late) March's 4th's AMI devotional is about Samuel 10:17-24. It talks about the time when Saul was chosen as king. When the decision was made, he ran away because of his insecurities and fears of not being enough. He was afraid he would not be able to do a good job and simply thought that the best way to handle the situation was run.

Now, I'm not shaming Saul for doing this. Being king is a huge role and can be overwhelming. I know personally I have struggled with this. When I was asked to serve, I felt that I was inadequate. I was the somewhat new Christian and didn't know much about serving. I was constantly worried of what people thought of me. I let those fears consume me and control my actions. It wasn't until later that I realize "yes, I am unworthy to do God's work." However, I only need to obey and let Him guide me to where He wants me to go. This has taught me to keep an open mind to serve in any way I am called to and not question it.

A few years ago at a GCC Mission's FNL, I remember sitting there listening to people talk about missions. My first thoughts were "wow, these people are crazy for doing something like missions. I don't think I could ever see myself doing that..." And now I find myself writing this post for Mission's training. I can only say that I am amazed at what God has done in my life. Am I confident in doing mission's things? Definitely not. I know I'm going to struggle so much as I am pushed outside my comfort zone to evangelize to people. A lot of that comes from insecurities and fears of what people will think of me, what if I make a complete fool of myself, and what if I completely fail. All of these are internal and coming from me. I need to remember that God is the one at work and if I fail, then so be it. He will use that time to grow me and I only need to follow where He leads me.

I really ask that as time goes on, I continue really surrendering my fears and my insecurities over to God. I want to remember that it is all Him. The fact that He has given me a chance to serve in this way, to go out into the fields and to gather the harvest, is nothing less of an honor and a privilege. I pray that He would continue to give me strength to overcome those fears and to really remember that He is with me the entire way.